PopPop is a hard worker, always has been, but I hope always won't be! He has worked his socks off for us, his family, since we came into his life. He's worked so hard that recently he's not even been able to put those socks he worked off, back on! In March this year, he had a hip replacement. Before that he had a knee replacement and in recent years he has also suffered badly with back problems. Despite all this he is still working full time, quite often travelling to London a couple of times a week and not even getting to sit down as the train is so busy! But I never hear him complain. Lucy is a lot like him with the 'this is life, just get on with it as best you can' attitude. However his is more like "this is life, it can be great, it can be crap. You have no choice other than to get up and get on with it. So do it, do it with a smile on your face and two fingers up to those who try to bring you down. Stay close to your family as they are what is important and do what makes you happy." Family is very important to my Dad. when I married Adam he made it clear that although I will always be an Osborn and a member of the Osborn family, I now have my own family and I have to put them first and do what is right for us, the Pattersons as a family. I love my Dad so so much. He is amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better role model and Father and unlike so many people who have lost their fathers, I am so blessed to still have him here with me. But he is not just 'here' as in still alive. He is here with me and he is here for me. He is actively involved I'm my life. He texts me, he helps me budget, he cooks me tea and treats me to take aways. He teaches me, he shares his wisdom with me, he always has time for me, he is there if I need him, day or night. He watches war films and Doris Day movies with me, he shares music with me he thinks i'll like and he shares his fine red wine with me. He did not judge or question me when I became a Christian last year and he even comes to chapel with me if I ask him to. He loves me. Unconditionally. I can feel it. I feel it when he talks to me, when he tells me off, when we say goodbye, when he texts me goodnight and when he hugs me. When he walked me down the aisle it was one of the proudest and most special moments of my life. His wise words before I took those special steps...... "Don't trip."
How lucky I am to have had my Dad witness me getting married. So many people, (including my dad himself) haven't had or won't have that blessing. My Dad is my last male role model to look up to, to seek advice from and to learn life experiences from to enable me to be the best version of me, I can be.
I never met my Dad's Dad. He died when my Dad was young and he never really talks about him. There were never any photos up or things belonging to him that I can remember at his Mum's (my Nana's) house. She did not speak of him as far as I can recall. But my Dad is named after him- he was Horace James, my Dad is Michael James, my brother is James Patrick and George is George James Samuel. My Dad also looks like him. But not just like a father\son resemble. He looks so much like him it's incredible. I'm sure I would have liked him, if he is anything like my Dad, there would be nothing not to like!
I lost my maternal grandad- who we called, Poppa, about 10 years ago. He lived with us for most of my life and in his last year I helped to look after him. I remember getting him ready to go off to the day care centre. He was a grumpy old soul and most days he refused to go and would make is so difficult for me to get his shoes on that I quite often waved him off in his slippers! The only thing he'd willingly let me do was comb his hair. he always wanted his comb. I had to make sure it was packed everyday! He loved, antiques, birds, Snoopy, Morecambe and Wise, classical music and cinzano and martini! He taught me to play chess, and he passed his love of classical music and antiques on to me. I remember when he used to sit at his window and paint. He painted birds mostly and I have now started to do this myself. I wish he was here to see the pictures I have done.
I lost my Uncle Paul 5 years ago this month. It was a terrible shock and it left my heart broken. George was due in only a few weeks and I had only recently spoken to him about becoming a Mum and him coming down to see us all with his family. I didn't see Uncle Paul much as I got older. He wasn't actually a relative but my Mums best friend. He was a lovely man. Fierce and fiery but loveable. He had four children, Claire and Mark from his first marriage, who were more like cousins to Katy and I. We played Thunder-cats outside in our big garden and teenage mutant ninja turtles indoors! I don't see them much now but they are family and so, they will always be in my heart. When Uncle Paul met his second wife Alison, a beautiful and inspirational woman, he had two more daughters, Betty and Georgie, both beautiful like their Mum. I did not know them as well as Claire and Mark, they were born when I was 'too old to play' so we never had that childhood bond like I do with Claire and Mark. But they are lovely girls and he would be so proud of the women they are becoming. Alison and Betty came to our wedding last year and it was wonderful to have them there. He was there too, I had a picture of him beside me as I got ready for the big day!
Uncle Paul as I remember him, smoked cigars, drank round the kitchen table with my Dad, called me Sash and made us all go on long walks round the countryside, which we all moaned about but all loved as soon as we set off! I could always call on Uncle Paul for advice. He was always there when I needed him, just a phone call away and ready and willing to advice and guide me in anyway he could. I didn't go to his funeral. At the time I said I was worried about going into labour whilst being there. But I think, maybe the impending birth of George was probably an excuse I used not to go. I couldn't go. Then it would be real. Like I said, we didn't see Uncle Paul that much now that we were 'grown ups' so going to the funeral, seeing his coffin, it would make it real and don't think at that moment in time, that I could have handled it. I still don't know if it was the right thing to so or not, whether I regret not going. I feel it was very selfish of me. The decision I made and whether it was right or wrong has stuck with me. I think about it and about him quite often, I always have and I think I probably always will. I miss him. Especially at the moment.
More recently I lost my Uncle Kevin. This loss has affected me deepely. I feel the pain from this loss with my heart and soul. His fight was inspiring and it filled me with pride but his suffering filled me with anger and sadness. His battle with Cancer eventually came to an end last October. There is no more pain for him, no more suffering, no more fighting. He now rests in peace. Sadly for all he left behind, the pain and suffering continues. We are all here, missing him, sad that he has gone, confused and angry as to why he had to suffer like that. Uncle Kevin left behind him lots of family and friends who miss him, who love him and who wish he was still here. This is one of the times when Dad's words of "life can be crap" spring to mind. "But you have no choice but to get up and get on with it". But it's so hard Dad and somedays I can't get up and get on with it and I can't put that smile on my face. My Auntie and Cousins are doing an amazing job of doing just that though and I am ashamed that I am not as strong as them.
I stayed up late the night he was in hospital and Auntie Jane text Mum to say that that night was going to be critical. I messaged my cousins as they went to and from hospital and at about 1am I went over to be with my Mum. She, and I sat up until about 3am, until Dad made us go to bed. I just wanted to be 'with' them all if and when he went. I knew when I closed my eyes, that when I opened them, I would never him again. Never be nudged by him when he teased me, never have a chinese ordered by him, never sit round ans have a glass of red wine with him! That morning, Mum woke me up at about 7am I think and told me he had gone. The rest of that day is a blur. They say when someone dies it gets 'easier' as time goes on. But as times goes on here, his children are getting married and his Grandchildren are growing up and it is sad. For those with no faith, he is not seeing it at all. To others, who believe he is watching over them, they are still not seeing him, see them, and that too is heartbreaking. For those who are unsure about what they believe, they can only hope, that he is somewhere watching over them. Uncle Kevin, although gone, is being remembered by many. His eldest son made sure he was still a big part of his wedding day and his daughter Sophie I am sure will be including him in her wedding to Chris as much as she can. I feel so lucky that he was at my wedding but also very guilty as he will not see any of my cousins or siblings get married. Its just so unfair. Yes Dad, life sure can be crap! My Uncle Kevin and Auntie Jane celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary before he died. That's amazing and I hope that Adam and I can follow in their footsteps. We have our ups and downs and more downs but we love each other very much and recently my Auntie to me that's all that matters. I trust her opinion entirely so those words will always stay with me.
Loosing both Uncle Paul and Uncle Kevin makes me appreciate having my Dad in my life so much. Everyone loves him, my friends call him 'Big Mick' and were all concerned about his recent health issues. They are all glad to hear he is recovering well, he can even put his own shoes on now, woohoo, go Dad!
Time with Poppop is spent smiling. You see, PopPop is a bit of a Silly Billy! He has the imagination of a child and the wisdom of an old man, so in my eyes, it's the perfect combination for George to be around. I love spending time with George and PopPop. It really is special. He sucks George into a magical world, where he is a morning monster, sniffing at the bedroom door waiting for his breakfast of George on toast. He stuffs George's toys up the back of his top when he's not looking and pretends they've disappeared. He sings songs to him that he makes up on the spot. Picks George up by his clothes and Zooms him about. If George stays over, then in the morning they eat PopPop toast together, (lots of butter and a slither of marmite). He is happy to sit and watch Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry with him, even when he's rather be watching the rugby, football, cricket (any sport really)!
So, today, I want to wish my Dad a very Happy Fathers Day. I love you Dad..... I love you a lot!
